(that seem so promising in the beginning)
A lot of women meet a man and feel an instant connection.
Their relationships start with fireworks and butterflies.
Talking on the phone for hours.
Sending text messages back and forth all day.
Feeling that instant attraction and believing they have met their soulmate.
And when things cool off,
when he starts to take distance and communicate less often,
they feel scared,
they start arguments because they need reassurance.
And when their partner doesn't give it to them,
their feelings get hurt.
They find themselves crying often,
losing sleep at night,
unable to concentrate at work,
and stuck in a cycle of endless fights.
They think the problem is him…
Those are signs of someone whose fear of abandonment got activated.
Let me explain more…
As human beings, we are mammals and are not meant to live in isolation,
abandonment is wired in our brains for survival.
(it’s in the amygdala part of our brains)
It comes from hundreds of thousands of years ago when we lived in caves, and if a person strayed from the tribe they were at risk of being killed by a predator.
Normally, if during childhood, you experienced physical and/or emotional abandonment from your parents, you will grow up with an abandonment wound.
And as an adult, that wound will continue to get activated and take over your behaviors whenever you experience your partner taking space.
There is nothing wrong with you.
The secret is to heal your abandonment wound
so you can show up authentically as the loving and caring person that you are in your relationship.
When you heal your abandonment wound,
you will learn to be with yourself and soothe your abandonment parts
and especially when your partner takes space.
When you change, your relationship changes.